I’m feeling somewhat competent – even confident – with work at the moment. It seems now is an advantageous time to really try to drop those negative self-comparisons with which my brain likes to oppress me. Not the task of only a week, I know, but if I can manage a week it will make a big difference.
I will have at least two days of teaching, some research-related work at the hospital and a research home visit or two. Work is one of the main places where I fall prey to these negative comparisons. Even when I’ve had a good day, I see others at work or even imagine others at work and worry that I’m not as good.
This week, I am going to strengthen the self-believe I’ve been working so hard to build recently. It is not a week where I anticipate having any extremely stressful or challenging work tasks, and so it is a good chance for me to completely drop any thoughts that I am not as capable as others. In fact, I may even be able to just enjoy being myself!
I used to feel that morning was my most productive time of the day, but somehow that has changed. When I attended First Uni (my Arts/Teaching degree) ten years ago and had an assignment due, I would wake early and lie in bed mulling over my assignment. After a while, I’d just have to get out of bed and make a start while all my thoughts were fresh. And so, in the quiet freshness of the morning I’d work away solidly for many hours. Pulling “all-nighters” never worked, as my brain seemed to switch off after 9 or 10pm.
These days, my brain is still no good for things like essay writing after about 9pm, but it also seems to hate to get going in the morning. I noticed that particularly this week, when I really wanted to get out and be active, but instead consistently chose a sedate, indulgent start to my day.
So, this week, I want to get up early every day. The days that I am working in the morning I’ll be forced to rise very early anyway. It’s those other mornings when I’d love to lie in bed and then slouch around the house for a few hours that I’d like to force myself up. I know this might be a bit unpleasant, but I’m not going to try for unreasonably early. I want to be up around 8am, 8:20am at the latest. If I can get into the habit of rising early, then I can perhaps take the hour or that I seem to need at the moment to get going and still start doing something with my day before lunchtime rolls around!